Smith Von SpongeSchwammkopf
"You’re right, I may fucking hate the dude’s brains but someone’s gonna pay my crazy ass bitch of an ex-wife’s electricity bill for her vibrator I mean for the lights." - Smith, about Eugene Kräbs Smithsonian “Smith” Von SpongeSchwammkopf is a member of the 5th Bunker of overall 15 of Mr. Seaweed Monster Hitler’s district ruling. Smith is the main character of this multi-billion dollar show franchise. Early Life Smith was put up to adoption at only two months of age and he never knew his biological parents. He resented them his whole life because of his abandonment and was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar syndrome at seven years old. Because of his frustrations and isolation from the other members of his foster household, he’d easily lash out and attack the other children, claiming that no one understood him but his imaginary friends. It wasn’t known until much later his imaginary friends were the result of his schizophrenic hallucinations. Unknowing how to deal with someone of his nature, the foster home had him removed from the other children for years, which was very poor judgement on the foster home’s part. He burned down the house in a fit of rage and was forced into a mental ward until age of 18 where he signed up to be apart of his current bunker status. Relationships Susan Germanlastname "Susan you fucking bitch.. I HAD THE 1200 ON THE FIRST. THATS YOUR DAMN FAULT YOU COULDNT PICK IT UP AFTER SPIN CLASS. I HAD THE GOVERNMENT BREATHIN DOWN MY NECK BECAUSE THEY DIDNT THINK I PAID." - Smith, to Susan In 2000 while raiding a Jewish man’s home for Kelp Nougat Crunch bars, Smith saw in the corner of his eye a beautiful woman by the name of Susan Germanlastname bathing in the window next door to the raided home. After she called the cops and arrested his ass for peeping on her, he proposed with a huge diamond ring while he was thrown in the back seat of the police car. Finding out the ring was a genuine diamond and costed Smith’s entire life savings, she called up the prison to have him bailed out and they married later that spring. She blew out any money he had left on their wedding. After several broken condoms that Smith didn’t purposely cut open later, they had two children. In 2018, the couple divorced on terms of Susan telling the judge she was seconds from breaking down into a mental ward from every thing about Smith from his physical attributes especially. The judge ruled in her favor, giving Smith minimal and super guided visits with his son and daughter only once every two months. Frank Stär "I’m literally gonna stick an entire strudel up your ass if you don't start making sense" - Smith, to Frank Smith’s best friend is Frank Stär, who he has a love and hate relationship with, mostly the latter. They’ve been close for 18 years. Frank has also banged Smith’s ex-wife Susan but that is of little importance to this paragraph. "Ich mag trannies." - Smith to Frank, after blowing David. Uncle Eugene Kräbs Smith hates Eugene intensely, hating his bakery and the fact that he currently bangs his ex-wife. Trivia * Smith has once fucked a couch, though he claims it was his medication